Addressing the Father Wound this Father's Day: a key component of work-life balance
Addressing the Father Wound this Father's Day: a key component of work-life balance
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Often on days like Mother's or Father’s Day, you see posts asking people to reflect on those who lost their parents, or never had one, to reflect on those who don’t have the normal parent reality. This Father's Day, The Parent Centre wants to ask people to go deeper. We have a country where men are the problem in Gender Based Violence, we have a country where children are growing up without a father, but more importantly, men and women struggle with the very nature of what a father should be. We call this the Father Wound.
The Father Wound is a deep attachment trauma that can have a profound emotional impact. It reflects the negative or absent relationship we had or have with our father or father figure. It occurs not only when a child experiences their father as consistently critical, emotionally unavailable, neglectful, or abusive, it also exists when there is no father engagement at all. Now, consider the State of South African Fathers 2024 report, which offered a data-driven look at how fatherhood in South Africa is evolving amid deep socioeconomic challenges. It highlighted that only about 35.6% of children live with their biological fathers.
The Parent Centre has been working specifically with fathers for the past 16 years and we are seeing signs of the Father Wound more and more. We have an exciting new pilot working with foster and adoptive parents to support and build the relationship with their non-biological children, and sometimes biological children in blended families. We planned a fatherhood component to help the dads with their journey, but so far, all the foster parents have been moms, leaving us wondering “where are the dad’s?”
We recently had a group of well-paid professionals visit the parent centre for a half-day of volunteering, and we thought it was a great opportunity to explore the wellness needs of working parents and prepare an interactive workshop that they responded positively to. The group was 8 men and one woman, all with degrees, and all sans the woman ironically parents. Yet when they introduced themselves, half the group spoke of not having a relationship with their fathers, only two in the whole group spoke of a holistic, nurturing, and supportive father relationship. The workshop explored the change in work, especially around gender and identity. It spoke of how relationship dynamics have changed at work, but not necessarily at home. It spoke of the confusion and loss not only in the loss of never having a father, but also the lost feeling men feel when it comes to how to be a dad.
Whether you grew up with no dad, a not-ideal dad, or a bad dad, it has shaped you, and without work, it shapes the kind of parent you become and the certainty that the Father Wound continues to be passed on.
A Happy Father's Day to all those biological and social Fathers out there, you play a vital role!
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For help or support please reach out to counselling@theparentcentre.org.za, call 021 762 0116 or visit http://www.theparentcentre.org.za/
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