I wanted to start off by saying; please don't send generic "ask me for forgiveness" or "I am sorry, I apologise" messages because I feel that they are not sincere. I feel that a person should say what they are sorry for, apologise for exactly what they have done wrong and ask forgiveness for that.
In that way, in my mind, they have acknowledged what they have done wrong and will hopefully not repeat it. In my mind, a person who says, "I ask for forgiveness on this night if I have done anything wrong" (which will be the common theme of messages coming in today as it is A Big Night - for Muslims) or "I am sorry, please forgive me" is just merely saying a statement without heart, without any feeling to it and it makes one doubt if they have truly acknowledged their wrong and apologising for that, and it seems as if they even expect you to say "forgiven, please forgive me" blah blah. The end of that sentence deserves a "blah blah" because that is how I feel sometimes when I hear generic apologies.
I stand to be corrected. Yes, that is how I feel and that is my sentiments, but maybe I am quick to judge. We don't know other people's intentions, maybe their somewhat seemingly generic messages are actually coming from their heart. I learnt something today, something I already knew but lately I've become so consumed with hurt by others that I decided to let my true self be hidden and I've become harsh. I know people are human beings and they let us down. They hurt us and do not even see it but they are quick to point out our flaws, quick to cut off ties because of mistakes we've made and quick to say how we have wronged them and how we need to make things right.
Their eyes are not open to what they have done wrong, their eyes are not open to our feelings and what we are going through, being empathetic is not something they feel they need to be. They do not see reason and increase their understanding; their hearts and minds are closed off to thinking that they could even be wrong. I used to think and rethink as I usually do and then apologise because I know that I'm a bigger person and of the saying that I value relationships more than the faults that others make. People would hurt me and yet I would apologise and things would go on and this would be repeated. I recently came to a point where I was so badly hurt and to this day the people who have upset me still have not acknowledged that they have wronged and not asked for forgiveness even though I have asked them for forgiveness. I realised then that I'm just allowing myself to be abused and be taken advantage of. I was tired of being the bigger person. I apologised for all that I have done wrong and have asked for forgiveness but I will not allow myself to be put in this situation again. I will be civil and speak when I need to but cannot trust again. In this way, I'm taking control of not being belittled in the eyes of others.
It is difficult, honestly speaking, to be harsh and to not trust. For me, I value relationships but I needed to make sure no one would ever take advantage of me.
But what I learnt today was that, it's not just about being 'the bigger person' and valuing relationships over mistakes, it's also saying that 'I am doing this for the sake of God, The Almighty.'
Which is ultimately what our intention should always be. I'm not forgiving you, even though you haven't asked for forgiveness, because I want to constantly be belittled by you, nor do I want to be the bigger person, I am forgiving you for the sake of The Almighty and our religion. I love you for the sake of The Almighty and our religion and I know that this world is temporary, so I am doing this to help me achieve the best in the Hereafter. I would like The Almighty to forgive me and love me and grant me the best in the Hereafter, which is eternal life.
- Posted from my previous blog: nabz14.wordpress.com on 2 June 2015